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Today I feel disgusted and ashamed. Every time I cream my body I feel disgusted. Every time I look at my blistery hands and horrible red blotchy sore arms I feel ashamed. I feel utterly dehumanised. I have not had a proper nights sleep in a long time due to being itchy and scratching. The culmination of sleep deprivation, being itchy and looking red and unhealthy is making me feel very hopeless. I don't think people can really understand how debilitating and life affecting eczema can be. Most people see it as 'a bit itchy' or 'some red skin'. I have eczema on every part of my body. I have a weird and deep relationship with being itchy. it's almost like another being. But at the same time a major part of me. When I finally succumb to it, the glorious feeling (a sick trick if ever there was one) passes quickly. Leaving feelings of misery, regret and failure. I would see a psychiatrist in a heartbeat, but sadly unless you have money this isn't an option. Well, not really! I waited 9 months last year to see one, for eczema and associated mental health issues. I received 6 x 1 hour sessions. She was nice but what can you do in six sessions. Apparently that that is the amount of time it takes to get to know a client. Anyhow. A sense of hopelessness envelopes me. I feel there is nowhere left to turn and my mantra of 'just crack on' is wearing wafer thin. Does anyone out there relate to this? Or even better does anyone have any advice they could kindly point in this direction? Anything offered would be greatly accepted.
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