My dad died of cancer and they couldn’t cure him

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My dad died at the end of March this year from terminal osopheagus cancer. There was nothing they could do for him 😃. He died within 6 months of diagnosis... A friend of my husband was diagnosed with cancer this summer and his wife has just text with the wonderful news that his treatment is working. but... i feel resentment and anger that his cancer will be cured, and my dads couldn't be... Am i an evil person? i never have been! I guess I'm jealous.. I can't help it and feel selfish. has anyone else felt like this? Thanks, Karen

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8 Replies

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    I am so sorry for your loss! My Dad died of oesophagus cancer as well! It is an awful way to go!! No I don't think you are an evil person for wishing treatment had worked on your Dad! You are still grieving! It is natural for you to have these thoughts! I think you need to be kinder to yourself at this difficult time! Thinking of you! Big hugs!

    • Posted

      Hi Nicola, thanks so much for taking the time to understand. My husband thinks I’m awful for feeling angry and jealous ... ☹️ obviously I am delighted his friend is able to be cured, but to be truthful I AM jealous that nothing could be done for my dad... (only 72). Last September he was in great health - didn’t feel unwell or in pain, then one day he just couldn’t swallow his dinner. Within a week a 6cm tumour was found at the junction with his gullet and it had spread to his bones stomach and lymph nodes. He hadn’t even visited a doctor before then. By the end of March he’d gone 😢 his deterioration was so quick, dramatic and heartbreaking... I still can’t believe it’s happened. My husband thinks I should ‘move on’, but I simply can’t yet.. Sometimes I cry so much it feels like my insides will explode! How recent was your loss? Did it happen so quick? How are you coping? Sorry for all the questions x big hugs xx

    • Posted

      Hi Karen, I am so sorry I have only just seen your reply! I lost my Dad 4 years ago, age 70. He went down really quickly too! It was just before Christmas we found out. The same thing really. He was healthy one minute and the next minute he couldn't swallow! He went down to absolute skin and bone! 😥 It was awful to watch! I received bereavement counselling from Cruse! They were amazing though there was a bit of a wait. It does get easier as time goes on but I'm not going to lie I still have the odd moment where I have a good cry coz I miss him so much. But as I say I am a million times better than I was.

      It sounds like your husband doesn't fully understand what you are going through. I would try not to be too hard on him though as he is obviously really worried about his friend. He doesn't understand that you also want his friend to recover but you just wish that your Dad had too! Try and work together if you can and support each other through this difficult time you are both having! Please do try and get some counselling! Good luck and big hugs xx

    • Posted

      thanks so much Nicola for taking the time to reply. I am going to contact CRUSE tomorrow.. First Christmas without him is going to be SO hard.. . hugs xxxx

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      Im glad to hear you are going to contact Cruse. I'm sure they will be helpful! Your first Christmas will be difficult! Make sure you do something nice to remember him by. And talk about him! I wish you the very best! lots of hugs xx

  • Posted

    I am very sorry to hear of the death of your Dad. It has not been long since he died so really very understandable that you have all sorts of emotions tied up with grieving.

  • Posted

    thank you so much; your reassurance is very comforting x

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