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I am a 21 year old university student and I hate my life. I feel totally worthless and useless. I feel like there's no place on this earth were I would fit in. I have zero friends (at least the ones that care about me). I am constantly overlook by my peers, disrespected also.
I can say that I am a nice girl, I have good looks and all and I like to make the people closest to me feel loved, but still no one cares about me, no one gives a damn about my feelings.
I often doubt myself because most people especially my mum and my family members don't feel am good for anything no matter how hard I try to change their minds, they just end up taking me for granted inside.
I have tried to make my life more bearable, I've read many online articles to see if I could find out why I was so invisible, and most just say that its my fault and I don't love myself enough and I don't put myself first and this makes me really sad because this is the only person I know how to be, I mean is this how s****y my life is going to keep on being if I live longer than this.
The closest person to me right now is my boyfriend and I've tried to give him hints on how I feel but he doesn't just get it, he looks at it like am just looking for attention, and this makes me all the more sad and misunderstood.
I've had thoughts of suicide for a very longtime now, but lately I can't think of anything else. I'll be graduating from the university in a few months and I just keep on wondering what my life is going to be like. I picked up a knife today and was about to slit my wrists but I didn't because I was in my boyfriend's house and I knew that it'll get him into trouble.
Lately av being fantasizing about taking my life, will I hand my self with a rope, slit my wrists, jump of a building, up into a well or off a bridge, I've not done it yet because I'm scared of going to hell or am scared I might survive it and then I'll have to look everybody in the eye and explain what I tried to do and my life will be more s****y. I feel so embarrassed to be writing this, but like I said I have absolutely no one to talk to, sometimes I feel that even God himself is tired of my whining, most times I just wish I would wake up and it'll all be over. I just wonder if am ever going to enjoy my life if I keep on living.
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